Top Eleven Death Battles We'll Never Do
Ray: Okay, things are going to be different today. There is no battle today, rather we have something we want to say.
Steel: All over the web, people have made suggestions as to what Death Battles should be made next. A lot of the time, we're happy to do 'em because, hey, some matches are worth speculating and seeing what'll happen when two characters try to beat the other's brains out.
Ray: However, there are just some Death Battle suggestions that we grow tired of or, for one reason or another, we don't want to do. And that's what we're going to be talking about today.
Steel: I'm Steel and he's Ray...
Ray: And this is our Top Eleven Death Battles We'll NEVER Do.
Ray: This falls into the category of some RPGs and MMORPGs as well. Put simply, a customized character is from a game that involves you building your own character. Game series like "Elder Scrolls", "World of Warcraft", "Monster Hunter", and "Knights of the Old Republic" have playable characters that fall right into this category.
Steel: Due to the extreme popularity of some of these titles, some people have tried making suggestions involving the Dovahkiin and various characters from aforementioned series. Why won't we make a Death Battle out of this? THERE'S JUST TOO MUCH TO TAKE IN!!!
Ray: Steel's right. The strength, armor, weapons, skills, even species of some of these characters are entirely up to the player's choices and there are simply too many variables to take in because it changes depending on who plays it.
Steel: I mean, one Dovahkiin is a vampire, one's a dark elf, one's a...lizard guy, and one's even a WOMAN. Plus, there are also bigger and stronger guys out in the world of Elder Scrolls.
Ray: You also have to take into account that some characters are stronger in terms of leveling up, finding better equipment, or have chosen a species that is better suited for a particular style of combat.
Steel: We want guys with more established abilities, weaknesses, and traits. It allows us to make a better estimate as to who would win. Better luck next time, peeps.
Ray: This isn't one that we see regularly, but one that we just have to shake our heads at. First of all, an example is needed. Ever hear of Sauron?
Steel: That pterodactyl guy from X-Men?
Steel: Oh, that dark lord from Lord of the Rings! Right. Well, even though it's told that he has such vast power, we never truly see him use it. Okay, we see it ONCE when he bats several soldiers away like feathers, but that was it.
Ray: Yet, for reasons that escape my reasoning, Sauron is pitted against other villains in Death Battle suggestions all across the internet. WHY? You don't know what he can do besides draw people to his will and smash a few soldiers aside. Because we don't know the full extent of his power and because we have never seen him use more than what we saw in the first movie, we have to turn this one down.
Steel: Don't tell, won't use. That's what we say.
Naruto vs. Luffy
Steel: Okay, I know a LOT of you are thinking "Why say 'no' to this one? They have a rivalry, it's the pirate vs. ninja deal, this is a match made in heaven, right?" SHUT UP! We have reason for this!
Ray: Here's the deal, people. This match has been DONE TO DEATH all across the web with mixed results. I've seen Naruto win sometimes, I've seen Luffy win as well, and I've even seen one where they just stop fighting and take out bad guys.
Steel: As such, we don't know what we can possibly contribute to the whole debate. We like both series, but don't really see much point in doing this fight.
Ray: And, before you get on our backs, the main reason we did "Deadpool vs. Deathstroke" was because we did feel like there was a clear-cut and obvious winner...who shot us after he won.
Steel: Plus, we have better opponents that these two could fight. COMING SOON!
Meme vs. Meme
Ray: O-kay, Steel and I have seen our fair share of quirky pictures, videos, sayings, and characters that have become popular over the web, otherwise known as Internet Memes.
Steel: Ah, Dragonball Abridged, you will NEVER be unpopular.
Ray: However funny or stupid these memes may be, we don't see much point in making a battle over it. Even for comedic purposes, we won't make a fight between Hotel Mario and CDi Link. I...suppose they could duel to the death with horrible lines and animation, but that'd be it.
Steel: Yeah, as much as I like 'em and as many as I know, I can't imagine us making a fight out of these things. Sad, really.
Bugs Bunny vs. Mickey Mouse
Ray: While not necessarily requested for Death Battle, I've seen this done in all kinds of styles and have NOT liked them. Not ONE bit.
Steel: Why not? It's a match made in heaven, isn't it? Two iconic cartoon characters that are proficient in weapons and outsmarting their enemies...
Ray: Still not fond of it. These two cartoons defined my childhood, making me laugh or just smile at the good ol' days. I don't want to see them fight. I'd rather see them just work together and see how they would bounce off each other.
Steel: But they've used guns, key-shaped swords, and-
Ray: SHUT UP! How would you like it if I took two of your favorite witty cartoon characters from your childhood and pitted them in a battle where one would ultimately die a painful, bloody death?
Steel: Um...I'd feel...violated.
Ray: Besides, as "Who Framed Roger Rabbit" has stated, a Toon can only die if exposed "the dip". And, considering that the stuff seems to have disappeared from cartoons after the movie, the match would go on forever.
Homer Simpson vs. Peter Griffin
Ray: Shortest explanation on this list. Steel and I hate "Family Guy" and love "The Simpsons", so it's easy to spot bias coming. Next entry.
Steel: Wow. That was short. We each only got a line in this one.
Ray: Let me make one thing clear, people. I don't care about celebrities. Yes, most of them are very good at what they do like acting and singing, but due to all the big deals that people are making over them, I stopped caring years ago.
Steel: Yes, we know that Death Battle did "Justin Bieber vs. Rebecca Black" and they did it very well, but we're not going to do something like that. Even if it was between two especially horrendous celebrities, then that'd mean we'd have to dig even deeper into these celebrities' works, reputations, and mindsets. I've sat through "Twilight", so I'd rather not go into any deeper levels of Hell.
Ray: And, if we use celebrities, odds are that we'd tick someone off. We'd get a dozen nasty e-mails, be accused of all kinds of crap, and get ourselves hip-deep in trouble.
Steel: And then there's political parodies. There is NO WAY we will do this kind of crap. It'll just be stupid and get us in even bigger trouble than the celebrity part. It'd be dumb because it'd be propaganda. Besides, I get enough flat when I make an OCCASIONAL political joke. What are we going to do if the entire FREAKIN' episode is a big, political joke?!
Ray: Long story short, this is about us entertaining YOU, not trying to force our beliefs and preferences in your face. Our thought is to entertain, not argue ideology.
Ray: Some people have asked us to rewrite fights that Wiz and Boomstick have already done. Either they didn't agree with the outcome of a match, thought it could have been done better, or just want to see how we would take it. To be fair, we DO watch the actual Death Battle episodes on ScrewAttack and have enjoyed them for the most part (personal favorites being "Thor vs. Raiden" and "Mario vs. Sonic").
Steel: In fact, the only time we really complain about an episode is if it's BAD or if the guys behind it do something INCREDIBLY bone-headed in the fight/analysis. I'll end there for the sake of people disagreeing with us on some of the episodes we personally dislike, AND that a lot of our friends know what we're talkin' about.
Ray: As for why we won't rewrite existing episodes, we have two reasons.
Steel: First of all, we want to do matches that HAVEN'T been done by ScrewAttack so we can stand out on our own. Will we use WARRIORS that they've used in previous matches? I believe we've used Kratos, Mario, and Link to those who haven't paid attention. If that doesn't say "yes", I don't know what does.
Ray: And second is that we really don't see the point. What would be the point in rewriting an episode? We just wouldn't feel as satisfied with it as we would with a match that we came up with on our own. And if we changed the outcome of an episode we disagreed with, odds are that we'd just come off as butthurt.
Steel: Put simply, if you disagree with an episode, waste your own dang time rewriting it. We've got better things to do!
Ray: Guys, this is a COMBAT-oriented series. Any character that comes on here must KNOW how to fight and WIN at that.
Steel: As such, we won't use characters like Winnie the Pooh, Wallace and Gromit, or Sesame Street characters. If they have no combat maneuvers, or efficient ones at least, it won't be fun and we wouldn't know how to make it funny.
Ray: And, NO, we will not do "winner-by-sheer-luck" matches. That type of thing has been done a LOT in other parodies/humorous skits. We want a pure-skill win and NOT something cheap or lucky.
Steel: Yeah. That's old as dirt and we ain't doin' it!
Ray: And we won't do one-sided battles either. If one character knows how to fight and the other doesn't, it's a one-sided contest and, let's face fact, that's not entertaining. That's STUPID. You'll see the winner coming from a mile away and it'd probably be over in one move, two if you're lucky.
Steel: Um...what are we talking about here?
Ray: Let me explain. I get suggestions every now and then as well as browse the web for Death Battle ideas that would make for a good fight. This will usually boil down to either: "YES, I'll do it", "MAYBE, but I make no promises", or just "NO. I will not do it."
Steel: That still doesn't-
Ray: I'm getting to that. Every now and then, I occasionally get a matchup that has no rhyme or reason to it and seems like the person who suggested it just came up with it by pulling names out of a hat.
Steel: Such as...?
Ray: Try these. Sonic the Hedgehog vs. Darth Vader.
Steel: What the heck?
Ray: Rogue vs. Alucard.
Ray: Dante vs. Sly Cooper?
Steel: OKAY! I GET IT!
Ray: I do NOT like suggestions like this. They either have no rhyme or reason to them, feel like there was no thought put into it, or are only pitted against each other for some vague link between them like sharing a voice actor or both being explorers...only one fights regularly and the other DOESN'T.
Steel: Yeah! When it comes to our matches and previews, they either have a very strong element in common or a very strong rivalry. "Ghost Rider vs. Scorpion" is our strongest example because they have several things in common and have a very fierce rivalry.
Ray: So, long story short is that we want thought, reason, and rivalry going into this whole thing. Just because you CAN make a certain match doesn't always mean you SHOULD. We put thought and effort into these matchups, the least you can do is the same thing.
Steel: Okay, let's do a quick roll call of what we've got so far. Number Eleven, Customized "Dovahkiin" Characters...
Ray: Number Ten, Sauron-I mean, Ambiguously-Powerful Characters...
Steel: Number Nine, Naruto vs. Luffy...
Ray: Number Eight, Meme vs. Meme...
Steel: Number Seven, Bugs vs. Mickey...
Ray: Number Six, Homer vs. Peter...
Steel: Number Five, Celebrity/Political Parodies...
Ray: Number Four, Butthurt Remakes...
Steel: Number Three, One-Sided/Non-Warrior Matches...
Ray: Number Two, Random Matchups...
Steel AND Ray: So, we're finally here.
And the NUMBER ONE Death Battle We'll Never Do IS...
ANYTHING involving "My Little Pony"
Steel: Lemme get one thing straight, all you bronies out there. We are NOT fans of "My Little Pony: Friendship is Magic"...AT ALL!
Ray: I can ignore this show and its following for the most part, but when I browse Deviantart to try and find some good suggestions for a Death Battle, some of the first and most popular suggestions I see involve Ponies. And I think I know WHY this may be. It was because Wiz and Boomstick made "Starscream vs. Rainbow Dash" and made Rainbow Dash win.
Steel: Great job, Death Battle. You appeal to one of the most notorious fanbases in history and they start hitting you with these suggestions, thinking you'll do anything for anyone.
Ray: I probably wouldn't hate these suggestions so much if people didn't ALWAYS FREAKING SUGGEST IT. Winning against Starscream was one thing, but pitting some against Shadow the Hedgehog, the Dragonborn, and even Mephisto at one point...yeah, I think people other than myself would get annoyed by it all. And trust me on this, other pony fans have stated that suggesting these type of battles have gotten old, adding in that most of the characters on the show fall into the "non-warrior" category, which was just two slots behind this one.
Steel: So, to make a long story short, we think that "My Little Pony" is overrated and that it's overly-hyped and suggested to Death Battle WAY too much for psychological comfort. We don't care if it's supposed to be funny, it's gotten old FAST even to some fans of the show. And that's the number one thing we will NEVER do on this show.
Ray: There. We've said what we won't do. If you have any questions, leave 'em in the comments and we'll try to get back with you on it.
Steel: Also, check the description to see who's up next on DEATH BATTLE...