Cait Sith vs. Teddie Prelude

Ray: In popular RPG franchises, no matter what shade or color it may take, sometimes it's obligatory to include a teammate that's the cute and cuddly-looking comic relief character, like Cait Sith, the spy robot of Shinra...

Steel: And Teddie, the resident of the Midnight Channel.

Ray: Because both have such vast and customizable arsenals, we will be giving the two of them the best in terms of weapons and armor. We will also be forbidding the use of teammates or summons outside of Personas, seeing as a Persona is a physical incarnation of a person's psyche and inner self. We will also be giving Cait Sith some standard Materia as well as some that are a little outside-the-box to fit his personality.

Steel: He's Ray and I'm Steel-

Ray: And it's our job to analyze the weapons, armor, and skills of these two combatants to find out who would win a DEATH BATTLE.

--



Ray: The Shinra Corporation ruled the world with an iron fist, supplying the people with power and making many happy in the process.

Steel: One group in particular, though, was pretty pissed off because they were drawing power directly from the planet's life force. This led to active rebellion that the corporation could NOT ignore. Their solution? Send something to spy on them--a robot designed to monitor their behavior while passing off as harmless, yet ready to act should things get out of hand. Sounds like something straight out of the Terminator movies, right?

Ray: Developed by Reeve Tuesti, the former head of Urban Development for the Shinra Corporation, the spy robot performed at the Gold Saucer amusement park as a fortune teller, but its world would change when Cloud Strife and his party came to the park.

Steel: After a bit of blackmail involving the Token Black Guy's adopted daughter, the robotic espionage expert known as Cait Sith joined the team to help save the world from Sephiroth and would monitor their activity, making sure they didn't try anything funny-OH, quit beating around the bush! This isn't some walking metal death-machine like the Terminator, it's a talking cat of all things!


CAIT SITH...
First Appearance: Final Fantasy 7 (1997)
Height: 3'3"
Weight: 25lbs (estimated)
Species: Robotic cat
Theme: 


FEATS...
Aided Cloud's team in saving the world
Sprung the Black Materia trap in the Temple of the Ancients
-Thus allowing AVALANCHE to escape and claim the Materia afterward
One of multiple models with a similar A.I.
Successfully infiltrated Deepground, undetected until Nero found out
More-than-decent magician
Good fortune-teller



Ray: While his motivations were questionable at first, Cait Sith and his creator eventually turned against Shinra and became tried and true allies to Cloud and his party. Reeve would monitor Shinra's activity and, through Cait Sith, would report it to the heroes to keep them on-guard and give them a head-start.

Steel: While one would initially question just how valuable a cat can be compared to things like super-soldiers, gun-armed Mr. T lookalikes, red lion-dog things, and super-gorgeous martial artists, after a bit of use, Cait Sith showed just what he was made of.

Ray: Cait Sith is deceptively strong and very sneaky. He can effortlessly toss two full-grown Deepground soldiers and once snuck into the Deepground Headquarters completely undetected, likely thanks to his smaller frame and his ability to curl into a tiny ball and roll around.

Steel: But seeing as he's not that intimidating, or as physically-powerful in comparison to his teammates, he has a little bit of backup. He brings a GIANT MOOGLE DOLL to battle, riding it like a war-horse and letting the sentient-toy beat enemies down with its fists. Plus, to command it and (somehow) boost his own ability, Cait Sith brings megaphones to the fight. One shout and the Moogle will do whatever he shouts into the phone.

Ray: The best all-around variant is the Battle Trumpet, which nearly triples his base attack strength and increases his chances of a critical hit. Cait Sith also brings armor and accessories to back up his arsenal, like the Ziedrich Ring, which increases his defense by 98% and the Ribbon, which protects him from all status ailments.

Steel: Ribbon? Does he hide it in his crown, 'cuz he's too ashamed of having a bow in his fur?

PHYSICALITY/SKILLS...
Strong enough to toss two grown men
-Kind of inconsistent
Regularly curls into a ball to fit in tight places and roll around
Good at sneaking behind enemy lines
Hi-level Magic skills and Magical Defense make him a good mage

WEAPONS/EQUIPMENT...

Moogle Doll
-Cait Sith's main means of fighting
-Almost as tall as a person
-Can be summoned from just about anywhere
-Packs a mean punch

Megaphone
-Gives orders to Moogle
-Battle Trumpet: Increases Critical Hit rate by 2 and increases strength almost threefold

Ziedrich Ring
-Best Armor in FF7
-Boosts DEF by 98%

Ribbon
-Prevents Status Ailments like Poison and Paralysis

Ray: Cait Sith's true strength lies, not in physical, but magical ability. He boasts a good offense and defense when it comes to its use, and he can channel this through Materia.

Steel: Think of it as raw life-force energy drawn from the planet and contains knowledge on magic and physical commands. We'll give him some of the basics like Fire, Ice, and Thunder, but throw in others like the Restore Materia to replenish his health, and the Transform Materia, which can turn his enemies pint-sized or into amphibians.


MATERIA...
Pieces of raw, compressed lifestream
Can be equipped to weapons to add their attributes to it
Enables the user access to magic and physical abilities
Fire
-Shoots a fireball or multiple fireballs
Ice
-Crashes ice crystals down on opponent
Lightning
-Fires spears of lightning
Transform
-Can transform enemies into frogs (doesn't work on strong opponents)
-Shrinks enemies for a few turns, reducing their strength and defense
Restore
-Restores HP of the user based on the level of Materia

Ray: Like every FF7 character, Cait Sith can access Limit Breaks-

Steel: In other words, SUPER MOVES! These moves tend to be random, but are almost always dangerous. Typically he throws exploding dice, the resulting damage being equal to the number he rolls. I just might take up gambling if that kind of dice exists. If it looks like you're losing, BOOM! No more competition, the chips are yours, and no one gets shot in Vegas this time! (cha-ching!)

Ray: Speaking of gambling, there is the Slots Limit Break. Three slot machine slides show up and the effect will differ depending on how the slides stop. The effects are random, but unavoidable even if you put up a defense. These can range from toy soldiers firing on the enemy-

Steel: The heck?

Ray: A cat-girl increasing luck-

Steel: The HECK?

Ray: Insta-killing all enemies-

Steel: Oooh...

Ray: Or just squashing them beneath a giant chicken.

Steel: I re-iterate. THE HECK??!?!

LIMIT BREAKS...
Charged Super-Moves
-Charge when he attacks or is attacked
Dice
-Throws up to six dice
-Damage is dependent on the number rolled x100
Slots
-Calls a slot machine and, depending on what he gets, will use a different attack
-3 Crowns: Toy Soldiers fire on the enemy
-3 Stars: A Moogle restores all HP and MP to Cait Sith and his allies
-3 Hearts: A cat-girl turns all attacks into critical hits until the end of the battle
-3 Moogles: Giant Moogle grows even bigger and gains a significant boost in ATK and HP
-3 Faces: Instant death to all enemies, no blocking
-2 Faces/1 Bar: Kills all members of Cait Sith's party, including himself
-3 Bars: Summons a random creature to attack the enemy, depending on Cait Sith's level
-Else: Drops a random object on the opponent
*Boulder
*Weight
*Hammer
*Fat Chocobo
*Hell House
*Comets

Steel: Well, this type of super move has its drawbacks. They have just as much chance of blowing up in Cait Sith's face as they do helping him win. Plus, as he himself stated, he's not much of a fighter and is pretty cowardly.

Ray: Plus, Cait Sith isn't the strongest or sturdiest member of the FF7 team, and while he's a good mage, his MP supply is limited and there's only so much magic that he can do without depleting it.

WEAKNESSES...
Kind of a coward
-Not really much of a fighter, as he himself claims
Physically one of the weaker members of Cloud's Party
-Low DEF and ATK
Limited MP supply
Limit Breaks are mostly luck-based

Steel: Despite looking like a girl's stuffed animal, Cait Sith has been a valuable ally for the AVALANCHE team as a spy, teammate, and combatant.

Ray: If it weren't for him, Deepground's goals wouldn't have been revealed and Shinra's activities would have caught the party by surprise. This cat and his creator deserve some credit.

(Cait Sith: *rolls out of a Reeve decoy's body and pops back to his full size* Ha-ha! That was a close one! I never was good at fightin'.)

--



Ray: There is a rumor in the town of Inaba. If it's raining and you watch a turned-off TV at the stroke of midnight, you'll see something in the screen--a person, an event, or a strange fog. What they don't know is that this is a world in and of itself, inhabited by creatures called Shadows. Most shadows are either mindless monsters or the physical manifestation of a person's innermost feelings, but one Shadow was different--it was intelligent, capable of human speech with a free will of its own-

Steel: Oh, Ray, stop trying to make this guy out to be some scary shadow monster. He's a FREAKING TEDDY BEAR!

Ray: ...y'know, I put a lot of effort into this script building up suspense and making them sound terrifying; you could've at least played along for a little while longer.



TEDDIE...
First Appearance: "Persona 4" (2008)
Height: 5'7"
Weight: Nothing
Species: Shadow
Theme:


FEATS...
Helped solve the Inaba murder case
-Which inadvertently helped save the world
Even without a Persona, bravely stood up to Rise's Shadow
-Surviving an attack that had knocked out the Investigation Team in the process
With the Investigation Team, defeated hordes of Shadows, from the garden variety to the heavy bosses
In Persona 4 Arena, has not only held his own against his teammates, but also the Shadow Operatives and rogue combat androids 
->This also includes two denizens of the Velvet Room
Achieved humanity through sheer force of will

Ray: When Yu Narukami first encountered this strange world inside a TV, the first creature he met was Teddie--a bizarre specimen indeed. As mentioned before, he is the first and only known Shadow to develop his own sentience and personality.

Steel: After helping the Investigation Team rescue people who were victim to a TV-using murderer (trust me, it makes far more sense in-context), Teddie had become so human-like that he was able to produce a Shadow of his own. So, it's a Shadow of a Shadow-my brain hurts, but at least it spawned a bear more terrifying than any animatronic from Five Nights at Freddie's.



Ray: And after conquering his Shadow and gaining a Persona, Teddie gained a human form.



Steel: (eyes turn to hearts) Yo, baby, can I have your number?

Ray: Um...that's Teddie.

Steel: (distantly) Wha?

Ray: That's a GUY IN DRAG.

Steel: (hearts disappear) No way! You gotta be lying!



Steel: (looks between them, then eyes widen and...) GAAAAH! I KNEW IT! I KNEW IT WAS TOO GOOD TO BE TRUE!!!

Ray: I'll leave him to recover and get to Teddie's combat abilities. While he may weigh practically nothing, he has a few tricks up his sleeves thanks to his Shadow heritage, which allows him to shapeshift parts of his highly-malleable body. These include turning into weights, pulling Wolverine-like claws, storing things in hammerspace, and turning his hands into deadly sock-puppets.

Steel: Okay...I think I'm okay now. Following up on that last statement, Teddie would probably be the last person you'd make a Muppeteer. Ted's insanely durable, too, having taken the business end of Rise's shadow FIRIN' HER LAZAH and survived...at the cost of deflating like a balloon, that is.

Ray: Teddie also has tons of stashed away items and toys with varying effects, such as causing elemental damage without using up SP, food items for health, and many, MANY more.

WEAPONS
Wolverine-like Bear Claws
Anvils
Oversized Baseball Bats
Piston-Powered Boxing Gloves

Sock Puppets of Doom
-Shadow Teddie Puppet inflicts Fear
-Tongue Puppet inflicts Shock/Paralysis
-Snake Puppet inflicts Poison
Televisions
-Allow him to teleport and come out at varying heights
-3 TV's: high, medium, low