Death Battle: Captain Falcon vs. Captain Commando

Ray: Alright, the combatants are set. Let’s settle this debate once and for all!

Steel: It’s time for a DEATH BATTLE!!! WITH A GOOD OL’ FALCON PAWNCH!!!

--

Mute City…

On an abandoned part of the futuristic city, a lone man with blonde hair and a business suit stood, as though waiting for someone to arrive. He had received a challenge from the city’s resident bounty hunter and racer to a fistfight.

He smirked. This bounty hunter obviously had no idea just what he was getting himself into.

The roar of an engine caught his ear and he turned to see a sleek, blue hovercar speeding in his general direction. As the car passed, the cockpit flipped open and a man actually jumped out of it as it sped away under his feet.

The man made a spectacular leap, actually doing a quick somersault in midair, then landed on the ground where he slid to a halt. Mentioned man sported a blue bodysuit that made no effort to hide a very prominent six-pack, yellow gloves and boots, and a crimson helmet that obscured everything above the bridge of his nose.

Captain Falcon had made his appearance.

The blonde man reached into his pocket and pulled out a pair of crimson sunglasses before slipping them on. A series of bright lights momentarily obscured all but a vague outline of the man and, at the same time, different-colored lights rained down from the sky, striking his forearms, legs, and chest.

When the lights disappeared, the man was now something completely different. He was wearing a blue bodysuit of his own, knee-high dark-blue boots, a white chestplate and matching set of gauntlets, and a series of cybernetic wires and robotics joining the arm guards and shoulder plates together.

Captain Commando was ready for action.

Falcon smirked at this guy’s transformation. Maybe this wouldn’t be such a bad fight after all? Falcon put up a hand, gave the “come on” gesture, and challenged his opponent with one phrase.

“Show me yo moves!”

When Falcon put up his dukes, Commando met this with his own challenge. He smashed both of his mechanically-enhanced fists together, creating a brief surge of electricity, then put up his own dukes.



Captain Falcon moved first and, boy, did he move FAST to Commando’s shock. He crossed the fifteen or twenty feet between them in less than a second. That was a little too fast for Commando to put up an adequate defense and he received a slug in the jaw from the F-Zero champion and staggered backward.

Falcon was not about to let this guy get a beat on him and pressed his assault. He followed up by barraging his fellow captain with his fists, Commando putting up his arms in an attempt to defend himself. Falcon took quick advantage of this by sweeping the ground with his foot and tripping Commando up, then followed up by seizing his arm and tossing him aside.

Commando hit the ground with a “thud”, but picked himself back up just as Falcon was dashing at him again. This time, though, Commando was ready. He wound up a fist and, just as Falcon was ready to land a blow, Commando had beat him to the punch…literally. His technologically-enhanced fist slammed into Falcon’s midsection, causing him to double over. One slight push later and Falcon had flown back a full fifteen feet, back where he had started.

Captain Commando made a mad sprint at Falcon just as he got back up. When he was in range, Commando thrust his foot forward, the heel engulfed in bright-yellow flame. Falcon so narrowly evaded it that he felt the flames singe his costume, then ducked down to evade a right hook.

“Falcon KICK!”

Falcon slid across the ground, his foot ablaze with fire and Commando wound up falling flat on his face. Falcon, now behind him thanks to the Falcon Kick, followed up by seizing Commando by the collar of his chestplate and slammed him into the ground behind him. Commando quickly got back up just as Falcon thrust his foot forward.

Commando’s action was simple: he merely evaded and wrapped his entire arm around Falcon’s leg. Smirking, Commando stood to his full height and planted his metallic fist into Falcon’s visage, then swung Falcon around by his leg before tossing him like he was in the Hammer Throw competition.

Falcon sailed through the air, but righted himself to land on his feet and slide to a halt. He sprinted back after Commando, who put a fist forward and a pillar of fire erupted from his gauntlet. Falcon’s eyes widened and he made a mad leap to avoid getting reduced to a smoldering corpse. He jumped clean over the blast and landed behind Commando.

Falcon charged a fist with flame, then dashed at him with his famed “Raptor Boost”. His punch didn’t connect, though, for Commando jumped clean over him and was now aiming a dive kick right at Falcon’s back. The kick hit dead-center, causing Falcon to stumble forward, but then he turned with a spinning-high kick that caught Commando full in the midsection.

Commando also stumbled back and pulled back a fist just as Falcon was racing at him with a clenched fist of his own. Both collided and, for one brief moment, all was still. A split-second later, Commando’s fist sparked with electricity, the energy coursing through Falcon’s body and earning a scream in pain. The next split-second, Falcon catapulted backward due to simply being out-muscled by his armor-enhanced foe. Falcon tumbled across the ground and had just picked himself up when he saw Commando coming down, ready to bring both his fists down.

Falcon smirked. He had just the trick for this guy. He briefly gathered energy in his body, then sprang into the air to intercept Commando. His hands clamped down on Commando’s collar and left the blonde man unable to bring his fists down the way he wanted. Falcon’s grin only widened as he sprang off, unleashing the energy stored in him.

BOOM!

The instant Falcon kicked off, Commando was hit with a ball of fire that exploded like a grenade going off in his face. Commando fell, unceremoniously, to the ground with a dull “thud”. Falcon, on the other hand, landed on his feet with the grace of a cat and looked over where his opponent was.

To Falcon’s surprise, Commando had gotten back on his feet and brushed some dust off his shoulder before charging at him. That blast of fire hadn’t even blackened his white armor with the soot of fire. Falcon ducked away from a jab by Commando and jumped into the air, knee extended, to nail Commando in the abdomen.

At first, it appeared that Commando had simply withstood the attack. Then his whole body surged with electricity and he yelled in agony before staggering back. When he recollected his senses, he could only see Falcon in front of him, his fist pulled back and glowing with fiery-red energy.

“FALCON…”

Commando only had time to put up his arms, defensively, to brace himself for what would inevitably be his opponent’s strongest attack.

“PUNCH!!!”

Captain Falcon’s fist swung forward to slam into Captain Commando and his fist burst into flame on contact. The sheer force of the collision sent the hero of Metro City went sailing through the air like a missile before hitting the ground and skidding to a halt to lie flat on his back.

Captain Falcon stood for a moment, fist still extended and smoking like a recently-fired rifle, then stood with a proud smirk as he saw his enemy hit the ground. That smirk quickly turned into a shocked gape as he saw Commando actually get back up.

Commando had taken a hit from Falcon’s best attack and didn’t appear that badly injured. He definitely looked roughed up, but was far better off than others who had taken the brunt of the infamous Falcon Punch.

Captain Commando cricked his neck, smirked, then beckoned for Falcon to come at him.

Falcon gritted his teeth, then answered Commando by sprinting at him with a roar. He leaped into the air, then ignited his Falcon Kick to dive down at Commando. Commando simply sidestepped, leaving Falcon to hit the ground, his flames dissipating on impact. The shaded hero grabbed Falcon around the neck and slammed him back-first into the side of a building before pulling back his fist and pummeling Falcon. Had it been a normal human being that was wailing on Falcon, it would have hurt. But considering that the gauntlets that Commando wore amplified his strength forty-eight-fold, Falcon could feel some of his bone splinter and break after just a few hits.

Commando pulled back his free hand and briefly charged it with electricity and, with one punch, Falcon was sent through the then-weakened wall of the building. Falcon tumbled, then fell on his face.

Falcon coughed up a wad of blood as he, painfully, picked himself back up. He sprang back just as Commando attempted a dive-kick, the latter captain only managing to kick up some dust on contact with the ground.

Falcon’s fist ignited once more for a Raptor Boost, but he had just dashed at him when Commando struck his fist to the ground. A shockwave of electricity coursed through the ground, covering a three-meter radius, and Captain Falcon had just taken the brunt of it.

Needless to say that the many volts of electricity coursing through his body hurt.

A LOT, I might add.

Commando took advantage of Falcon’s moment of paralysis and launched another “Commando Kick” at him, landing a blow right in his chest and sending the bounty hunter flying back again. Falcon shakily got back on his feet and, with a roar, had one last shot at him. Fire burned in his knuckles as he rushed forward. Commando met this by charging his fist with as much electricity as he could muster, then charged back at him.

“FALCON…PUNCH!!!”

“CAPTAIN COLLIDER BLOW!!!”

Falcon swung first, a bird of open flame jetting from his knuckles...half a second too early. Captain Commando, now familiar with how this move was pulled off, ducked to his left and swung his electrically-charged right fist.

It hit, dead-on.

The minute the sparking fist hit Falcon, the electricity coursed outward from Falcon’s body until it was a sphere of blue energy. Falcon’s cries in pain could only just be heard from the thick crackling of a miniaturized lightning storm.

When the sphere faded, Falcon stood in complete shock, teetering back and forth as he tried regaining his senses, strength, and will to fight.

Commando stepped back, not wanting to be in range of another Falcon Punch, then decided to finish it. He pointed the fist opposite the one that delivered the Collider Blow at his opponent, then unleashed a torrent of fire. Falcon’s entire body went up in flames and he writhed in agony once more before collapsing to the ground and curling up.

Commando watched Falcon fall and as soon as he lay perfectly still, he knew his job was done. With his foe fallen and down for good, he thrust his fist into the air in victory with an adrenaline-fueled "YEAH!".



--

Steel: (sadly) A great man has fallen today…

Ray: Between the two of these glorious captains, it is obvious that Falcon is the faster and more accomplished fighter. However, Commando’s armor, ranged attacks, and enhanced strength won the day.

Steel: It doesn’t really help much when your main weapon, fire, is something your enemy is highly resistant to. If your armor can resist temperatures almost forty-thousand times hotter than the SUN, a fiery punch won't even make a dent.

Ray: Also, Falcon may be strong on human standards, but Commando is armed with the Captain Gauntlets, which multiply his strength by 48. Considering the average weightlifter, we crunched the numbers and found that Commando's maximum lifting power is over SIX TONS. Also, a trained boxer can hit with about 800-1000lbs of force, meaning that Commando (if a proficiently-trained boxer) can throw a punch that can hit with 19-24 TONS of force.

AVERAGE WEIGHTLIFTER…
Bench Press: 152lbs
Squat: 204lbs
Deadlift: 254lbs

CAPTAIN COMMANDO…
Bench Press: 7296lbs
Squat: 9792lbs
Deadlift: 12192lbs

AVERAGE BOXER PUNCH...
800-1000psi

CAPTAIN COMMANDO PUNCH...
38,400-48,000psi

Steel: Falcon lived a long, productive life of winning trophies and bounties, kicking butt, and being an all-too-awesome sensation on the internet. But compared to Commando, especially with those numbers to draw from, it pains me to say that Falcon's a lightweight by comparison.

Ray: He sure put up a great fight, though.

Steel: And the Falcon Punch will still be a meme that Commando can’t match.

Ray: The winner is Captain Commando.



CAPTAIN FALCON…
+Faster and more agile
+More pronounced fighting skill
-More predictable moveset
-No ranged attacks
-Fire-based attacks practically useless
-Strong, but not on superhuman levels

CAPTAIN COMMANDO…
+Physically stronger
+More durable
+Less predictable moveset
+Ranged attacks are advantageous
+Armor enhances speed, strength, and durability
+Captain Protector neutralizes fire-based attacks