Disclaimer: This match was written well over two years before ScrewAttack decided to make it. I stand by the results I came up with, regardless of whether or not ScrewAttack comes to similar or different. Please respect my opinion.
Ray: When there's killing to be done, mercenaries are often the go-to guns for the job. The only competition they have is each other.
Steel: Deathstroke, the Terminator…
Ray: And Deadpool, the Merc with a Mouth.
Steel: These two have a rivalry going on for years, and both have proven their skills at killing and avoiding death as well. It's about time they settled this rivalry once and for all.
Ray: I'm Ray and he's Steel and it will be our job to test the weapons, skills, and abilities of these two assassins to see who would win a DEATH BATTLE.
Real Name: Slade Wilson
First Appearance: New Teen Titans #2 (1980)
Alias: The Terminator
Defeated the Entire Justice League
Fought Batman to a near-standstill
Fought Black-Ring zombies
Steel: Slade Wilson got into the army at sixteen, lying about his age, as you have to be eighteen to join. He later became part of a science project that was trying to create metahuman soldiers for the army. Didn't I hear that story before?
Ray: After the experiments, Slade became incredibly powerful and resourceful. He later left the military behind and became a mercenary-for-hire.
Steel: After a time of service, he got married and had himself a kid. However, someone shot his kid dead and his wife, blaming him for the attack, tried to shoot him. Tough marriage, huh?
Ray: The shot didn't kill Slade, but it did rid him of his right eye. Years later, Slade took up the name of Deathstroke the Terminator and one of the DC Universe's most formidable foes.
Steel: Being a former soldier, Slade is no stranger to combat. He is skilled in several fighting arts, enough to fight Batman to a standstill and defeat the entire Justice League. He can also bench-press eight-hundred pounds and run thirty miles per hour.
-Estimated to lift at least 800lbs
-Top speed is 30mph
-Can exert himself at peak capacity longer than any human can
-Can avoid gunfire from squads of machine gun fire
Master of martial arts
-Former military man and assassin
-Expert in hand-to-hand combat, holds, and throws
Ray: Deathstroke also carries a vast arsenal of weapons. He carries swords, grenades, knives, and a special staff. The staff can extend to twice its usual length and emit a fiery energy to either roast his enemy or act as a diversion.
Steel: And, being a former soldier, he's most comfy using a gun. He's proficient in the use of any firearm and a master marksman.
-Made from a powerful metal known as promethium
Steel: He also wears this body armor made from either Kevlar or promethium plates. It makes him more resistant to blades and gunfire, but is still vulnerable to stab wounds. Weird, ain't it?
Made from promethium scales
Worn under suit
Resistant to slashes and bullets
Ray: As powerful a combatant as Deathstroke is, his greatest attribute is his strategic mind. He uses nine times more brain capacity than a normal human, meaning he processes information at a faster rate. He is one of the greatest minds in the DC Universe, able to read muscle movement to predict enemy attacks and identify anything that can give him an advantage in his current environment.
Steel: He'll even do this even if he's under extreme pressure or wounded, and to think he can do all this with only half his depth perception. He's so confident that he flaunts this weakness with his mask and still kicks butt like nobody's business.
Uses nine times more brainpower than the average human
Almost like a living computer
One of the most brilliant minds in the DC Universe
Ray: Deathstroke is also very resilient, possessing both an enhanced healing factor and inhuman endurance. An injury will not slow him down, even a full stab to the gut, and he will recover from mentioned injury faster than the average human. He also has a slowed aging process and is actually a lot younger than he appears.
-Fights for unprecedented amounts of time without exhausting himself
-Will fight even when impaled
-Survived gunshots to the chest
-When severely injured, is back on his feet in just over a day
Ray: Deathstroke has fought and defeated some of the DC Universe's most powerful beings, rivaling Batman in impressive feats. He is also a cruel mind, watching his enemies suffer and telling them he's not afraid above doing more.
Steel: I like him!
Slade: Struggling only makes it worse. And, how I hate to see you suffer…this won't hurt a bit.
Real Name: Wade Wilson
First Appearance: New Mutants #98 (1990)
Alias: The Merc with a Mouth
Annoyed death to the point that it would leave him alone
Defeated Wolverine and Taskmaster in combat
Broke the Fourth Wall repeatedly
Ray: Wade Wilson was a small-time mercenary and assassin, serving in countries all over the world from Central America to Japan, until he found out that he was terminally-ill with cancer. In anguish, he left behind what little life he had built up, including his wife, and basically threw his whole life away.
Steel: Enter the Weapon X Program, who took Wade in and promised to cure his cancer. They cured it, alright, by giving him an extraordinary healing factor. The process also disfigured Wade's face, later forcing him to take up the mask and name of "Deadpool". After a bunch of run-ins such as with a death embodiment and the strangest machinations of the mind, the Merc with a Mouth was born.
Ray: Deadpool is an exceptional hand-to-hand fighter, taking on some of the most dangerous combatants in the Marvel Universe without a weapon and prevailing. Being a former military man, he's skilled in several unarmed combat maneuvers such as holds, punches, kicks, even moves that are not known in his native universe.
Steel: He's also fast and agile enough to avoid gunfire, take on entire squadrons, and deflect bullets with swords alone. MAN! Look at 'im go!
Defeated Wolverine and Taskmaster, both of which are powerful fighters
Knows moves from Street Fighter
-Shoryuken is one move he knows
Avoids squadron machine-gun fire at point-blank range
Got through an Iron Man armor test without a scratch
Deflects bullets with swords
Top speed: 30mph
Strength: Can lift up to 800lbs
Stamina: Can exert himself fully for days without tiring
Steel: Deadpool also has a heap-load of weapons at his disposal. His two personal favorites are guns and katana, being proficient with any form of firearm. He has also used shuriken, bolas, grenades, knives, sais, and rockets. I'm likin' this guy more and more.
Ray: In his many misadventures, Deadpool also stole technology and took it for his own. He has a belt that can teleport him short distances, enough for him to gain an advantage. The belt can also give him the ability to project illusions to trick his enemies into a fatal blunder.
-Proficient with any arm
-Shuriken throwing stars
-Anything he can find
-Teleports him short distances
-Can also project illusions
Steel: Deadpool may be a skilled fighter, but he's…for lack of a better description, NUTS. The Weapon X program combined with several encounters with Death must have affected something in his brain. He will say the most crazy lines, taunt his enemies, and do juvenile/casual things even in the middle of a battle in an attempt to tick his enemies off.
Ray: There is actually a reason Deadpool says this crazy stuff. If he doesn't put the words out his mouth, they'll stay in his head and drive him even crazier than he already is. It can also be used to deceive his enemies into thinking he's less dangerous than he really is. And because so much is going on in his head, he's immune to telepathic assaults on his mind.
Steel: Deadpool's insanity has supposedly grown so great that he even knows that he's fictional, talking about the creators, the thing he's in, and even talking to the viewer/reader/player. This "breaking the fourth wall" even lets him obtain moves, weapons, and items from the outside world and the source of his fictional existence.
Spouts random phrases and mocks enemies
-Will go even crazier if he doesn't
Possible façade to trick his enemies
Breaks the fourth wall
-Acknowledges his fictitious existence
-Uses power-bars, inner monologues, and speech bubbles as weapons
Makes him resistant to telepathy
Ray: As powerful as Deadpool is with his arsenal, his most noted ability is his durability and healing factor. It is faster and even more potent than that of Wolverine. Deadpool can regenerate from being liquefied, having his head blown off, and having his heart ripped out. He's also resistant to toxins, drug effects (unless they're in extremely high doses), and diseases, and it's this healing that keeps his cancer in check and, if it were removed from him, he would die.
Steel: I wouldn't bet too much on that. The reason being is that Deadpool, well, he rubbed Death the wrong way and got himself cursed for life. Wow. He annoyed even DEATH…only in comic books.
Heals faster and more extremely than Wolverine
Takes a beating from super-powerful beings and still lives
-Reattaches lost limbs
-Regrew his head and heart
-Recovered from being liquefied
-Fell through the atmosphere and survived
Ray: Deadpool has been both a hero and a villain and has no real allegiance to anyone except himself. That being said, he has teamed up with many different heroes and villains. Ethics matter little to him, though, money and thrill do. It isn't uncommon for him to switch sides in the middle of a "mission" if the price is right.
Steel: Great. He gets to play with EVERYONE!
Deadpool: Hey! Yeah, you! I'm down here bustin' my ass while you're sitting on yours watching me jump around? How is THAT fair?
Ray: Alright, our two legendary mercs are ready to rock, so let's end this once and for all.
Steel: It's time for a DEATH BATTLE!!!
A lone figure walked through the streets of a long-abandoned city, a figure with an ominous mask showing only one eye. Every other part seemed covered in weapons. He was the deadly assassin, Deathstroke the Terminator.
His lone eye scanned the streets for any sign of activity. He saw street lamps that had stopped long ago, cars that hadn't moved and showed signs of years' worth of neglect.
Then, Deathstroke's eye fell on the one thing out of place: a living being in a land that seemed relatively lifeless. Mentioned being was a man that wore a red-and-black jumpsuit, a mask that completely covered all but his eyes, and had all kinds of weapons on him. This being also was crouching down and reading a magazine filled with surprisingly busty costumed heroines.
This man was no other than the Merc with a Mouth, Deadpool. Mentioned mercturned to spot Deathstroke, pocketed the magazine, then turned to face him and spoke.
"Check ME out! I'm the ghost of Christmas KICK-YER-ASS!"
While Deathstroke maintained a calm and dignified stance, his hand reaching for the handle of a handgun, Deadpool began to bounce back and forth in a rather cartoony combat stance.
Deathstroke made the first move, pulling his handgun on Deadpool and firing twice. Mentioned merc with a mouth made a spectacular bound right over Deathstroke's head.
Deadpool landed behind Deathstroke, then reached to his side and pulled out a pair of mini-Uzis.
"Have gun, will shoot!" Deadpool cried, then unleashed a hail of bullets at Deathstroke, all the while repeatedly yelling "bang".
Deathstroke nimbly evaded the bullets in a mix of a jump and a twist, turning to return fire with a pair of handguns. Deadpool also did a sort of cartwheel to the side, evading bullets and also returning fire.
Deathstroke emptied both his guns' magazines, then made a diving roll right through Deadpool's gunfire, coming up just in front of him, pulling a sword and cleaving right through both of the merc's guns.
"NO! Those were my favorite guns!!!" Deadpool said in despair, mere moments before Deathstroke planted his elbow right into Deadpool's face.
Deadpool fell to the ground, then rolled and got back on his feet before pulling out a pair of katana. If one could see under Deadpool's mask, they would see him grinning from ear-to-ear.
After a tense moment of stillness, both moved.
Deathstroke struck first, swinging his sword at Deadpool, who raised one of his katana to block it and swung with his second. Deathstroke ducked under the strike, pulled back, then aimed low at Deadpool's legs only to see the Merc with a Mouth hop over it.
Deathstroke advanced, repeatedly slashing at Deadpool. Much to his frustration, though, Deadpool actually managed to evade each slash, all the while doing a perfect moonwalk.
Deadpool took his blades again, then began to spin like a top with his blades outstretched. He was poised to cut Deathstroke into ribbons, and probably would have done so to any average human.
Deathstroke was not average, though. With incredible timing, he swung his sword and severed Deadpool's left arm.
"AAAAOW!" Deadpool screamed in a high-pitched voice, "Wow! Talk about precision…can ya give me a hand?"
Deathstroke found it odd that this man would ask that in such a calm and casual voice, glancing over at his severed arm. Deadpool held up a finger, quickly said, "Just a sec", then raced for the limb.
Deathstroke wouldn't let that happen and he swung his sword to try and intercept Deadpool. He scowled when he saw Deadpool get down on his knees and slide under the slash, picking up his arm in the process.
Deadpool sprinted away, placing his arm to the bleeding stump, and let the muscle, skin, and nerves reattach themselves. Deathstroke followed right behind him, then took a pair of bolas from his belt, spun them over his head, then lobbed them at Deadpool.
Deadpool turned, then took his remaining sword and slashed the rope of the bola, sending the two weights flying past his shoulders. The merc then swung at Deathstroke, who lifted his blade to block.
The strike never came to his blade, and he soon found out why. Deadpool hadn't even swung at all.
"Gotcha!" he taunted, then swung for real.
Deathstroke so narrowly avoided the strike that the tip of Deadpool's blade put a sizeable gash in his outfit. Deadpool had almost injured him.
Deadpool snickered, then swung at Deathstroke again, this time at his head. Deathstroke blocked it with his blade, then changed the angle and thrust his foot into Deadpool's chest. Deadpool staggered back, then swung at Deathstroke just as mentioned man swung his own sword.
Deathstroke struck with such force that Deadpool's sword flew right out of his hand. Deadpool looked at the weapon-less appendage, then back at Deathstroke, who had swung to take Deadpool's head off.
Before the blade could make contact with Deadpool, though, the merc with a mouth vanished in a flash of orange light.
Deathstroke stared at the spot in disbelief and, in another flash of light, Deadpool appeared in front of him, body crouched like a coiled spring.
Deadpool sprang, landing a direct uppercut to Deathstroke's chin. Deathstroke fell backward, then got back to his feet, getting all the more miffed at this man who just wouldn't die.
Deathstroke took up his sword and Deadpool reached for his belt and pulled out a pair of sais. Both circled each other, searching for an opening in the other.
Deathstroke thrust only to watch Deadpool catch his blade with his sais and, with a sharp twist, wrenched the blade free from Deathstroke's grip and threw a spin kick poised to hit him in the face. Deathstroke ducked under the kick and thrust with his own foot only to see Deadpool vanish in a burst of light again.
Deathstroke took an item from his belt: a metal rod that extended to about four feet long with the press of a button. He spun the staff around, then thrust at Deadpool, who sidestepped it with something that sounded like "ooh, just missed me".
Deathstroke pulled his staff back, then swung horizontally only to meet Deadpool's sais again. Deadpool moved the staff to the left, then sprang in an axe-kick aimed at his head. Deathstroke responded, simply, by raising his staff up and nailing him in the back, sending 'Pool tumbling across the ground.
Deadpool flipped back to his feet, then looked behind him and grinned. In a burst of red light, he vanished.
Deathstroke searched high and low for his adversary, ready to respond to even the smallest happening.
Fortunately, it wasn't that small, for the roar of a chainsaw sounded behind him. Deathstroke turned in surprise to see Deadpool with aforementioned chainsaw in his right hand and a sai in his left. Deadpool thrust with his sai and was met with Deathstroke's staff.
Deadpool, with a maniacal laugh, swung with the chainsaw like a maniacal killer (which he actually was). Deathstroke ducked under it, but felt the whirring blades nick part of his costume.
Deathstroke thrust with one end of his staff only to see Deadpool back just out of its range. Deathstroke smirked under his mask. Deadpool hadn't gone far enough. With just the press of a button, fire burst from the staff's end.
The flames licked at Deadpool's chest, earning a panicked cry from the mercenary. Fortunately, he had paid attention in kindergarten and did the classic "stop-drop-and-roll" until the flames died out. His costume had a few singes holes in it, but everything else was good (including his mask).
Deadpool narrowed his eyes, then raised a sai to catch an oncoming staff strike from Deathstroke before slamming the chainsaw down on its middle and creating a shower of sparks. The sparks struck Deathstroke in the face like white-hot needles and Deathstroke soon released his staff in an attempt to get away from them.
Deadpool spotted the staff, sheathed his sai, then picked up the staff and inspected it before shrugging and tossing it over his shoulder. With a maniacal cackle, Deadpool took the chainsaw in both hands and swung, repeatedly, at Deathstroke.
The Terminator's swift reflexes kept him out of harm's way, but every now and then, Deadpool would vanish and reappear almost anywhere. The chainsaw grazed Deathstroke, taking a small strip of his armor.
Deathstroke reached behind him, and just when Deadpool reappeared and took a swing, he sidestepped and dropped the item in question before sprinting away.
Deadpool turned his attention, but just when he was about to give chase, a ball of flame erupted behind him and the pulse wave of the explosion sent Deadpool rocketing forward. Deathstroke had dropped a grenade just as he evaded.
Deadpool got to his feet, his ears still ringing (and bleeding). Fortunately, his whole body had healed fast enough for him to regain his senses…and see Deathstroke plunge a six-inch bowie knife right between his eyes.
For a moment, Deathstroke and Deadpool remained in just that position, silence engulfing the entire area.
Deathstroke, caught completely off-guard, was sent catapulting backward as Deadpool spun and kicked him full in the midsection.
Deathstroke watched, jaw dropped, as Deadpool removed the knife from his brain, then casually dropped it on the ground before whipping out a pair of handguns of his own.
"EAT LEAD, ONE-EYED BART!"
Before Deathstroke knew it, he was sprinting away from the line of fire while Deadpool was firing at him as fast as his finger could pull the trigger.
Deadpool's guns clicked empty and Deathstroke, growing ever more frustrated with this adversary who just wouldn't die, roared and lunged at Deadpool.
Deadpool vanished, leaving Deathstroke to punch thin air. Deathstroke turned, expecting Deadpool to appear behind him, only to find that Deadpool wasn't there. He looked everywhere, high-and-low, but saw nothing.
What he didn't see, though, was that Deadpool was behind him and almost touching him. About that time, two voices in his head began to converse.
Voice 1: Oh, LORD, I didn't think he'd fall for this! That's one for the papers!
Voice 2: Yes, but how long do you think he'll be able to keep it up before-
At that time, Deadpool just couldn't resist. He pulled back his foot and thrust-kicked Deathstroke in the butt. Deathstroke stumbled forward, then turned to face Deadpool with a growl that was a mix of rage and frustration.
Voice 2: Twelve seconds.
Voice 1: Hehehe…sweet.
Deathstroke reached out quickly, seized Deadpool by the neck, then slammed him into a wall before raising him into the air, his lone eye narrowed in frustration. If shooting him, cutting off his arm, and stabbing him in the head did nothing, he had one way to ensure victory: break his neck and twist his whole head off.
Deadpool, however, spotted another open weak point. Considering his juvenile mindset, he just couldn't resist.
Deadpool raised his foot and landed it right in the place on Deathstroke where the sun didn't shine.
Deathstroke's whole body clenched in pain and Deadpool took another opportune moment. In another burst of light, he and Deathstroke were ten feet in the air. Deadpool maneuvered his in-pain adversary in midair and smashed Deathstroke into the ground while he jumped at the last minute.
Deathstroke, breath heavy and anger rising to ever more dangerous levels, looked over at his buffoon of an enemy to see him…striking a fruity, girly pose?
Deathstroke roared, then took a knife and thrust it at Deadpool's neck, ready to rip Deadpool's head off his shoulders. A surprise came, though, in the form of Deadpool evading it and tossing something into the air.
With a "bang" and a flash of light, Deathstroke clutched his head as he tried regaining his senses. Deadpool seized his chance, leaped into the air, grabbed the very paragraph you're reading right now, and actually pulled it free. He swung downward in midair and slammed it onto Deathstroke's shoulder, sending the Terminator down to one knee.
Deadpool pulled the paragraph-bat back like a professional slugger, then brought it slamming into Deathstroke's head. The Terminator's head flew clean off his neck, his head flying several tens of yards away while his body slumped forward.
"And it's OUTTA THE PARK!" Deadpool said, watching the head fly off and land far away, leaving a trail of blood.
Steel: Wow…that's funny AND disturbing at the same time.
Ray: Deathstroke and Deadpool had similar fighting skills and arsenals, but while Deathstroke is very good at predicting enemy movement, Deadpool is anything BUT predictable.
Steel: Deadpool's teleport belt added on to his unpredictability and his ability to break the fourth wall allowed him to obtain weapons from beyond his reality and swing the match his way. Add in a healing factor that removes conventional killing moves like stabs, slashes, and bullets, and Deathstroke was as good as beat.
Ray: Deadpool also had an edge in psychological warfare. With his taunts, juvenile behavior, and considering Deathstroke holds himself in high regard, you'd probably be just as ticked as he was in that fight.
Deadpool: Hey, everybody, look! I won! I WON!
Steel: Wha? Hey! How'd you get here? This is our spot!
Deadpool: Thought you could hide from yours truly? No way! Gotta give the fans what they want!
Ray: Look, we're proud that you won, but unless you're a host, you can't give-
Deadpool: Ah, don't worry. They'll be back up on their feet before you know it, 'cuz they got a show to run.
Deadpool: Anyway, the winner is ME! DEADPOOL!
Far more combat experience
Smarter of the two
Impressive mind and body-reading
Doesn't heal as fast
Remains limited to his acts in-media
Less predictable fighting style
Taunting and joking worked as psychological warfare
Teleport Belt gives him options
Healing factor works to his advantage
Able to get help from beyond the fourth wall
Deadpool: Next time, on DEATH BATTLE, you'll get to see two dragon warriors go at it. This episode is also brought to you by 1-300-DEADPOO (people with fetishes, please stop calling).