Spider-Man vs. Blue Beetle Prelude

Ray: A superhero can take on any symbol, use the name of anything, even if it’s a bug people would sooner step on. Like Peter Parker, the friendly neighborhood Spider-Man.

Steel: And Jaime Reyes, the third person to take the name Blue Beetle.

Ray: I’m Ray and he’s Steel and it’s our job to analyze the weapons, armor, and skills of these two combatants to find out who would win a DEATH BATTLE.

SPIDER-MAN…
First Appearance: “Amazing Fantasy #15” (1962)
Real Name: Peter Benjamin Parker
Age: 25
Height: 5’10”
Weight: 167lbs
Occupation: Photographer for Daily Bugle

FEATS…
Has had more girlfriends than any other superhero
Regained control of himself after being taken over by Doc Ock
Brilliant inventor, chemist, and physicist
Can fight the most skilled fighters in the Marvel-verse
-While blindfolded, at that

Ray: Peter Parker was an attractive, skateboarding, emo, punk, hipster, rebellious, intelligent, independent, Twilight-haired-wait, these are my bullet points. Sorry.

Steel: In all due honesty, Peter Parker was a wimpy nerd with no friends or hopes of being popular. Then one day-

Ray: Y’know what? SCREW IT! I’m not going the path of Marc Webb and re-telling a story that everyone and their mother already knows! Long story short; a wimpy kid got bit by a mutated spider, got bug powers, and became a superhero. Plain and simple!

Steel: ...And I thought I had issues. Anyway, taking on the name of Spider-Man, he became the local watch of New York City where he takes on plethoras of OTHER mutagenically-altered freaks.

Ray: What happened when Spider-Man got bit by that mutated arachnid? Well, as the song goes, he can do whatever a spider can...and more, honestly. He is strong enough to lift ten tons, fast enough to catch a speeding car on foot, and is tough enough to withstand a point-blank grenade to his face.

Steel: Sure, he’s no Superman, but because his universe lacks Kryptonians, he’ll do just fine on many an occasion. He’s also a superb acrobat, known for his stamina when it comes to fights, can hold just about any pose with little discomfort, and his agility is second to none.

PHYSICALITY/ATHLETICISM…
Strength
-Punched out a T-Rex
-Max. Bench Press: 10 tons
Speed
-Can catch accelerating cars
Agility/Acrobatics
-Can hold practically any pose and balance himself on any one of his limbs
-Shows little discomfort in doing so
Stamina/Durability
-Can exert himself at peak ability for hours before feeling tired
-Survived a point-blank explosion

Ray: Most spiders require a set of spinnerets in order to weave their iconic webs, but since Spidey doesn’t have those in the comics, he makes do with a set of wrist-mounted web-shooters.

Steel: I’d crack the “fart webs” joke, but Boomstick beat me to it. Lousy jerk, first he stiffs me at Olive Garden and then he steals my jokes…

Ray: As a fun fact, if one were to take a piece of steel and make it as thin as the threads of a spider’s webs, the spider webs would actually be stronger and harder to break. Considering the size of Spider-Man’s webs, it should be a tough rope to snap. Also, the webs are somewhat fireproof.

Steel: Elaborate.

Ray: Well, he has used his webs as shields against fire. While the webs did melt after a period of time, they did NOT go up in flames.

Steel: Spider-Man can use these webs to latch onto enemies, create sticky traps, or do his trademark web-swinging to get around in style. He’s a creative bug, you gotta give him that. And while he can replace web-cartridges that empty because of plot-convenience, if the devices break, he’s screwed.

WEB SHOOTERS…
Wrist-mounted
Webs can support hundreds of pounds
Used for variety of purposes
Webs will not go up in flame
-Take time to melt, though
Subject of CONTINUAL lazy writing
-Running out of fuel
-Breaking

Ray: Spider-Man does have a few powers related to his arachnid namesake. First and foremost is his ability to cling to any surface. While he can stand perfectly-upright on a ninety-degree-angle wall, he prefers crawling along such surfaces for better grip and less likelihood to get hit.

Steel: Also, his grip on a wall can be so strong that the only way to get him off a wall is to take a piece of the wall with him.

Ray: But perhaps Spider-Man’s most iconic ability is his early-warning system, the Spider-Sense. It does NOT just alert Spider-Man to danger, it gives him a full 360-degree view of his surroundings. This is how he swings around without looking to see where he’s aiming his webs, not laser sights. (pause) Why’d I say that last part?

Steel: Beats me. The Spidey-Sense is immune to sensory-deprivation drugs and forces that obscure human senses, unless they are specifically fine-tuned to it specifically. He has walked through squad-fire without a scratch and has fought even the most accomplished fighters while only using the sense.

SPIDER-POWERS…
Wall-crawling
-Can scale any sheer surface
-Often won’t let go unless the wall gets torn off with him
-No clear-cut explanation as to why this is
Spider Sense
-Alerts him to possible danger
-Can scan a full 360-degree circle around him
-Immune to sense-disorienting sounds and drugs
-Spider-Man can act on it alone at times

Ray: Yet at times, the Spider-Sense seems to not work on stray bullets...which makes no sense. I mean, shouldn’t his sense detect where the gun was pointed and where the user’s finger was on the trigger? And even if the gun was about to go off, Spider-Man should be fast enough to get out of the way. I mean, he’s done it before! What makes THAT occasion diff-

Steel: Ray, just let it go. We’re not dealing with THAT Spider-Man.

Ray: (sigh) Right, right...anyway, aside from being continually victimized by lazy writing and circumstance, Spider-Man does have more than a few weaknesses to exploit. His durability does have limits, someone can fight past the effects of the Spider-Sense if they’re fast enough to keep up with the web-slinger, and the spider pesticide, ethyl chloride, is his kryptonite.

WEAKNESSES…
Spider-Sense can be fought past by someone his equal in speed and agility
-Sense will also be unable to detect symbiotes related to Venom
Costume makes stealth difficult
Web shooters can be broken or run out of webbing
-Cartoons and comics overuse this
Ethyl Chloride
-Spider pesticides that are essentially his kryptonite
-Toxic to him and takes away his powers
Victim of circumstance and lazy writing
-Many of his enemies are former acquaintances/friends of his
-Sold his marriage to Mephisto (the crap?)
-Taken over by Doc Ock in "Superior Spider-Man"
-Stupidly believed he was a clone and that Ben Reilly was the real Spider-Man
-Joined Tony Stark in “Civil War”
-Amazing Spider-Man. SHUT UP.

Steel: Still, Spider-Man’s no slouch when it comes to superhero-ing. He has fought against opponents that would put many other heroes down and succeeded where they failed. To quote Weird Al Yankovic, “Well, we’re all in the mood for a hero now, and we think that you’ll do alright”.

(Spider-Man: Hi! My name is Spider-Man and I’ll be your superhero today.)

--

BLUE BEETLE
First Appearance: “Infinite Crisis #3” (2006)
Real Name: Jaime Reyes
Age: 17
Height: 5’9”
Weight: 165lbs
Occupation: High School Student, Adventurer

FEATS…
Third person to take the title
-Dan Garrett (1st)
-Ted Kord (2nd)
Helped locate the genocidal satellite, Brother Eye, for a coalition headed by Batman
Brought down crime boss, La Dama
Defeated alien invaders known as The Reach
-Original beetle device fought off Reach’s control

Steel: During the event called Infinite Crisis, the Spectre went on an insane rampage to try and destroy all magic. This resulted in him killing the wizard, Shazam, and scattered his sacred artifacts all over the world.

Ray: One of those artifacts was the Blue Beetle scarab, which Shazam obtained from the second bearer of the title, Ted Kord. Who...

static.comicvine.com/uploads/o…

Ray: Wouldn’t be needing it anymore.

Steel: The scarab was picked up in El Paso, Texas, by a Latino teen by the name of Jaime Reyes. The bug then fused with the kid’s spine, giving him super powers. Lucky kid. Last thing that fused with MY spine just gave me the skills to de-bone a chicken!

Ray: ...Y’know, at this point, I’ve just learned to go along with whatever random thing you say. So, I question nothing.

Steel: Good boy. With the help of time-travelling media whore/guardian of reality/rescuer of Ronald Reagan, Booster Gold, Jaime discovered that he could gain a new set of armor to kick all kinds of butt.

Ray: The scarab, who goes by the name Khaji Da, was originally thought to be a magical artifact, but was later revealed to be a sophisticated piece of alien equipment from a race called The Reach. They would send out similar beetles across the universe to conquer worlds without anyone noticing...

Steel: And you say MY crap sounds random!

Ray: However, this particular scarab gained its own personality and decided to rebel against the Reach’s hive mind.

Steel: And its personality seems to want Jaime to kill it at every turn. I WANT IT NOW!

(Scarab: You must destroy the Impulse!)

Ray: Even on its own, Khaji Da has its own powers and abilities. It can absorb energy, crawl short distances, vibrate to the point of accessing parallel earths, fly, and even use its pincers to cut through solid metal.

KHAJI DA:
Alien tech
-Originally thought to be magical in nature
Sentient
-Fought the control of the Reach
-Seems rather homicidal
-Has goals and ideals different from Jaime’s
Has its own abilities
-Able to fly on its own and crawl short distances
-Able to absorb energy
-Able to manipulate its vibrational frequency
-Pincers can rip through metal

Ray: The true power of the beetle, though, is unlocked when it’s connected to a host.

Steel: On its own, the scarab’s kinda useless. But with a host, it can generate enough power for the person to LIFT A FRIGGIN’ TRUCK!

SUPERHUMAN STRENGTH
Max known lifting power: 20 tons (estimated)

SHARED MINDS:
Symbiotic Synaptic Interface
-Allows both parties to exchange thoughts and emotions

Ray: Since the scarab is bonded to Jaime’s nervous system, the two can engage in Symbiotic Synaptic Interface...

Steel: ENGLISH, RAY!

Ray: (sigh) The two can read each other’s thoughts and the scarab can talk with Jaime through brain-talk.

Steel: Oh.

Ray: And THIS is my brother...

SCARAB SIGHT:
Can identify and scan metahumans
Can inform Jaime of any major physical conditions
-Injuries
-Notable weaknesses
-Diseases
Energy signature detection
-Kinda useless in this situation

Steel: Jaime’s also got the Scarab’s Sight, a form of scanning which can look up anything from the identity to the physical conditions of anything within a five-mile radius. It can also track energy signatures, but considering his opponent, kind of a moot point.

ARMOR:
Able to shift into various tools for offense and defense
-Energy blasters
-Energy cannon
-Sword and shield
-Shifting his arms into foot-long blades that can cut through tree trunks
-Wings for flight and defense
Energy manipulation
-Able to make blasts, cocoons, small-scale solid constructs, and 3-D holograms
-Energy can stop a blast from a Sinestro Corps ring

Ray: The Blue Beetle armor can reconfigure itself to suit whatever Jaime needs. It’s basically limited only by Jaime’s imagination in terms of what it can and can’t create.

Steel: Such constructs include energy blasters, a cannon, swords, a shield, and even wings for hi-speed flight or defense.

Ray: The armor can also manipulate energy for a variety of purposes and can even stop a blast from a Yellow Lantern ring.

Steel: And take into account that a Lantern Ring is considered to be one of (if not, THE) strongest weapons in the universe. That should speak leagues in and of itself.

ANTAGONIST ADAPTATION:
Able to tailor its blasters to deal with any opponent
-Artificial kryptonite (Superman)
-Negative energy (Green Lantern)

Ray: The armor also provides a level of adaptability as it can alter itself to deal with any opponent Jaime finds himself up against.

Steel: Like being able to artificially make Kryptonite if he’s fighting someone like Superman. Plus he can create the negative energy capable of punching through a Green Lantern’s shield. Heck, Khaji Da itself said that it could probably take down the friggin’ SPECTRE if it had enough time.

WEAKNESSES:
Truce with nature
-The Beetle will not hurt living organisms...but it WILL harm people if given the chance
Alien Sentience
-Jaime and Khaji Da do not always have the same goal or ideals
-Leads to time-wasting bickering
Reach Tech can penetrate the Beetle Armor
Magic

Ray: That being said, the beetle may be a tough nut to crack, but he does have his fair share of weaknesses. Like most non-magical entities, Jaime has no natural defense against magical attacks.

Steel: Also, since the beetle is sentient, that means the two are gonna butt heads and will bicker because, sometimes, they don’t quite have a common ground...and it’s a bit of a tree hugger. It will hurt humans time-to-time, but it will not harm living organisms if it can help it.

Ray: That being said, Jaime may be a young hero, but he’s proven himself time and time again as one that is more than capable.

(Blue Beetle: (through mind) I WILL survive, because I’m not alone in this fight...am I, Scarab?

Scarab: No, Jaime Reyes. Once, we fought for control, but now we are united.)